weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he told me I talked like a deaf person
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
