It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
