why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
