were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
