I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
