I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
