at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
