am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
