I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm passing your future prison.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
