I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
