My nipple is on Facebook.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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