Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
