Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
