I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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