I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
