Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
