I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
