you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
