Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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