Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
