everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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