This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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