His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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