you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
