i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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