i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
