I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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