I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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