just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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