did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
