is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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