Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
