What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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