I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
