I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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