Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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