Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
