What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
