You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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