My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
