Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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