Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
