Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
