Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
