I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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