I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
