did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The struggles of a small town man whore
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
