You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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