Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
