i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
