Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
