fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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