We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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