omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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