no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
