the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
