I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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