Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
