Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
