Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My cat gives me a boner
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
